The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped in that way.

Just how can this be? Sixteen years because the Big D? — the withdrawal for the strap? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, possibly, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding presents for newlyweds. I’m a believer in divorce or separation gift suggestions; that’s whenever one of several two events will need the toaster really.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated significantly more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with all those who have provided a restaurant beside me (we blame it regarding the awesome appetizers).

Never ever mind the date that is second. The toughest to nail down, this despite having personally “flattered” many females in the past 16 years it’s the first date that’s. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word originate from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fingers that are fiery.

Example. The oft-repeated situation:

Me personally: therefore, could you are taken by me down for supper?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually expected me away —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do a passport is had by you.

Seems promising, right? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), with this girl has more to state about them.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually asked me personally out, but .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? But just what? It does not matter. None for the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) for the ladies who stated these were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never wound up venturing out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death . Ladies reading my terms at this time are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and most likely reasoning, “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We truly need a word that is new. Must send memo.”

My replacement that is suggested for: sickened. “Scott, i’m sickened me out that you have asked.” Perfect. Why overcome all over bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as being a good option to set the phase for rejection, a humane solution to harm (in essence, making the woman feel much better concerning the turndown, perhaps maybe not the man), a softening associated with beaches prior to the big blow to male ego, making some guy feeling just like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line dating girl we came across did consent to satisfy for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested the majority of that trip to the funeral house where her mom had been being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — utilizing the burial slated when it comes to day that is following. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a guy that is sensitive however if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask she did) if she needed a date for the funeral (even though maybe. I’m not too hopeless ( maybe perhaps maybe maybe not beneath me to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might point out, would be a great name for a rock band) that it’s.

I’ve learned several other activities about dating within the ages that are middle.

Usually do not purchase your gf Mace. I did so this when, concerned about her safety whenever alone. Then, during a stroll, we recommended we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She demonstrably didn’t simply take the news in addition to I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the eye burn that astonished me, it had been the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed contrary to the wind, which designed a lot of the spray went back in her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we cried and gagged, and someplace into the insanity that lovers share, we thought: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

In the event the date is excited to visit Barnes and Noble not to ever glance at publications but to drive the escalator, she’s 1) too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one day at Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips regarding the escalator).

Long-distance works that are dating it does not. On a few occasions, as a result of the joys of internet dating (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a romantic date), we have driven extremely far for very very very very first times to just hear my date let me know in the restaurant dining dining dining dining table after she finishes her steak, lobster and million dollar martinis) that she really isn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship (but not until.

Wanting to make away on a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on a lot of amounts. Guilty. No date that is second.

Adequate on my guide to dating when you look at the dark ages. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate by having a punching case heart. Now then, I ask them out if I can only figure out how not to flatter someone when.